Whether we like it or not, we Indians are beginning to speak more American than English. And the biggest reason is the growing use of Americanisms. Mind you, I am not completely averse to them, as I use a few myself! For example, I love “no brainer” because it is really that – there is no better expression to describe the obvious! Or “heads-up” or “same page” or a few others. I am even sympathetic to spellings like color for colour or odor for odour – I wouldn’t use it myself but I don’t necessarily judge those who do. But I have a long list of them used by Indians that puzzle me, including – especially – the way some words are pronounced!
Let me start with pronunciations. Why should “route” (pronounced “root” in English) be pronounced “rout”? What happened to the “e” and why is it still spelt the English way with an “e” at the end? And why should all words beginning with “de” or “re” have a pronounced “e” sound instead of the short one like we were taught? My son (and indeed my whole family) “re-searches”; I can almost picture them going through a multi-step process – first they search for something (always unsuccessfully the first time, it appears) and then search again and again (hence re-research) until they get their eureka moment of discovery. And there is “re-sources”…the list goes on – how they distinguish between these and the stuff that you actually do again and again like reuse and recycle and renew? When I heard a pilot announcing that he has commenced his “decent”, I almost imagined him putting his pants on again or something like that till I figured he meant “descent” – Captain, did it ever occur to you that since it has a different spelling and so it is likely to have a different pronunciation? And did you do your schooling in the US? And of course there is “dude” (pronounced “dood”) – why an Indian has to call another person dude is a mystery (my son occasionally uses “abe oye” which is actually more appropriate) but then why he has to pronounce it dood is even more mysterious! And mind you, dude (along with “bro”) is gender neutral!!
But the worst amongst pronunciations is the use of the word “ass”. We all know that ass is a type of donkey till the Americans decided that that is how they will pronounce “arse”, the English slang for bottom. Not only did they change the pronunciation but also its spelling and now you have a whole generation of Indians who can’t distinguish a pack animal from their back side!
As I said earlier, I am quite fond of some American expressions because they quite aptly describe what you mean. But some of them really make me wonder. Ask a young Indian (and increasingly older ones too!) if they would like a coffee and if they want to decline, you will hear them say “I’m good”. Now, you are not asking him or her for a character certificate. And your question doesn’t even vaguely hint that you are trying to figure out if there is a danger that the coffee might get thrown at you. In other words, you know that the person of the second part is a decent, honourable (or “honorable” if you prefer) person. So then why this self-certification?
The second American expression that gets my goat is “my bad”. To me that is the most appalling use of the English language. It is neither shorter than the alternative (my fault, for instance) nor does it bring any new nuance to the response. I first heard it 10 years ago at a work meeting in London when someone farted and the windows had to be opened; is American colleague then said “my bad” and I was left wondering whether he was referring to the quality of the odour or something till I realised that he was admitting to be the culprit! My knowledge of English – which I can say is more than adequate – certainly didn’t prepare me for that interpretation. So, when I insisted that my friend above (who is “good”) a cup of coffee anyway and he spilt some of it, why on earth would he say “my bad”? Especially since he is “good”?
One final thing that amazes me is the comfortable use of baseball and American football terms (two games that are perhaps most alien to Indians) in day-to-day conversation – getting to first base, rain check, whole nine yards. But use cricket terms – front foot, playing and missing, bowled a googly – many are puzzled. Their bad, I guess!
So, here is a typical conversation with an Indian young person – say, my son: Aman: Hey pop! Wassup dood?
Me: Hi Aman. What have you been doing? And do you want a beer?
Aman: No thanks, I am good. Oh the usual, bro. Some re-search on multi-variate calculus.
Me: Wow! That sounds complicated. How is that going?
Aman: It’s going good. Very good in fact. Me and a couple of doods from Duke are close to making a breakthrough if things go according to sked (that’s “schedule” pronounced “skedool” and shortened to “sked” in Americanism), we are on the rout to publishing some stuff soon.
Me: That’s impressive! Ok, let’s get going. We are running late.
Aman: Shall I ask for the check?
Me after we pay the bill (by cash and not cheque) and reach the car: Oh dear, there is no petrol!
Aman: Oops, I forgot. My bad!
Amen!